Laharl's Vassals
by overlordrsh
Summary: (new desciption) join the misadventures of laharl and his crew as they are joined by a poptart loving, universal notebook wielding, sometimes insane fanfiction author and his three OCs. Full of sanity, stupidity, and randomness. Read at your own risk. (thanks for the spelling correction 'i like it')
1. Insanity Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own shit so no one can sue me.  
>Lawers: Aaawwww! (Walks away disappointed)<br>?: Welcom to my random, insane, sugar high fic!  
>Laharl: We know who you are so fix your pen name dumbass.<br>Overlordrsh: There, is this better?  
>Laharl:Why was your pen name like that?<br>Overlordrsh: I was trying to be mysterious.  
>Laharl: Retard...<br>Overlordrsh: Your face!  
>Laharl: Let's just start.<br>Overlordrsh: Ok, your mama so fat when she skoots an inch she skoots a mile.  
>Laharl: I meant the fic.<br>Overlordrsh: Oh, time for chapter 1!

* * *

><p>Chapter One: The Insanity Begins<p>

Laharl, the great and powerful ruler of the netherworld who happens to be an annoying, short, bratty, blue haired kid. "Hey!" Deal with it it, I torment my favorite and hated characters. "Ok where was I?" Oh, right. He sat upon his freakishly huge throne fantasizing about poptarts. "I'm getting hungry, someone bring me poptarts!"

5 minutes later 

Flonne entered the throne room holding a half eaten poptart and wearing a hoodie. "Is that a Justin Beiber hoodie?" "... Noo..." She then tossed the hoodie into the nearest firepit. As she did a random crowd of Justin Beiber fangirls jumped into the same firepit to retrieve it. "Is that a Justin Beiber shirt?" She ran out of the room and returned with her regular fallen angel attire. "Okay, now give me my poptart." "Um, Laharl, the poptart was in the hoodie." He dropped to his knees screaming to the heavens. "Nooooo!" "Um, Laharl poptarts aside, don't you think the castle is a bit empty? "What do you mean." "Well You, Enta and me are the only ones here.? Laharl looked around. "Hm, your right. Hey wait, where is Etna anyway?" "Some guy smashed her with a really big mallet and sent her to the other side of the netherworld." Laharl looked to the author who was nearby searching the firepit for the poptart. "You did that didn't you?" "What? I don't like Etna." Laharl turned back to Flonne. "Go hire some vassels and have them here in two hours." As Flonne ran off, he proceeded to skip around the castle, singing the waffles song.

2 hours later 

Laharl sat sat again upon his freakishly huge throne. "When the HELL will Flonne get here?" "Um Laharl, I've been standing here for over an hour." "Oh, well, where are my vassles?" She stepped to the side to reveal something that scared the crap out of Laharl. "Nooo, not Justin Beiber!" The author pushed the boy (girl?) into the firepit and wrote something in his notebook. "What are you writing?" "Just watch." He finished writing and an emo looking demon appeared with a prinny. "OmgWtfLolBBQ!" Suddenly a white haired demon fell through a plot hole and landed on the emo. "Hellow I am the awesome and amazing Soran, faster than a blue hedgehog, tought than chuck norris, more bishi than Cloud." They all looked at the author. "Why did you make that guy?" "I was going to do something else but I just drank a redbull." 'Oh fuck! Does that mean I'm stuck with this guy?" "Yup." "Fuck you!" "When and where?" "Forget it, what's your names and what can you do." The emo stepped up first. "My name is Lexicon and I can control time." "Hey dood I'm Patch and I'm an expert prinny fighter that doesn't explode." "Yo, name's Soran and I can summon any weapon I want." Laharl looked the threee over. "Hm. Demonstrate you abilities." Lexicon snapped his fingers and everything but he and Laharl turned into a photo negative. "Woah, this is trippy." "True but if you look again you'll notice we are the only ones who can move." "Alright move time back to normal." Lexicon snapped his fingers again turning everything back to normal. Laharl cleared his throat. "Alright Prinny your up." "Dood how the heck do I demonstrate my ability!" "PUNT!" Soran than kicked Patch straight into the ceiling. "Wow, no explosion, alright crazy your turn." Soran quickly summoned and dismissed multiple weapons and ended with a bomb in his hand. "Oh fuck! Hit the deck!" Soran tossed the bomb and it hit a conveniently placed pile of TNT that happened to be next to a pile of poptarts. "No! Not my poptart stash!" Lexion facepalmed. "Why do you keep these things together?" Unfortunately his question was ignored and Laharl went to sit in the emo corner. "Let's just go to bed." Everyone agreed and said good night, except Laharl who cried at the thought of being at the author's mercy for the rest of his life.

End of Chapter.

* * *

><p>Overlordrsh:Finally, I'm done with the first chapter.<br>Laharl: Took you long enough.  
>Overlordrsh: Shut up! (Hits Laharl with an XL mallet) Okay, ideas for chapter 3, go!<br>Flonne: Cooking?  
>Overlordrsh: No.<br>Etna, Soran: Shooting contest?  
>Overlordrsh: No.<br>Patch: Musical.  
>Overlordrsh: Perfect!.<br>Lexicon: What about chapter 2?  
>Soran: I'm handling that, well that's all for now, see you next chappy!<p> 


	2. Punk'd

Disclaimer: All I own are my OCs.

Overlordrsh: Well come to Hell!Let's rock! Jackpot!

Laharl: What the hell?

Overlordrsh: There are clues to a crossover I'm planning.

Laharl: I'm not sharing my spotlight with some stupid de-

Overlordrsh: Shut up! You'll spoil it

Laharl: Make me *gets smashed*

Overlordrsh: What? He told me to

Lexicon: You're wasting the reader's time

Overlordrsh: Readers? Really? Well to anyone actually reading this crap enjoy chapter 2.

* * *

><p>Chapter 2: Punk'd<p>

The camera turned on showing everyone but Laharl. "Yo this is Soran, Today is our first day and through a plot hole we came up with the ultimate plan to punk overlord Laharl. alright Laharl's going to wake up soon so let's get started. The camera switched to the hidden in the throne room. Laharl entered the room and made his way towards the throne. "Laharl wait!" Laharl turned around as Flonne ran up to him. "You weren't going to sit on the throne were you?" "Well duh where else will I sit" "Um, uh." Soran who was watching started to panic, he pulled out his cell phone and made a call. "Cathy, Shawn Flonne is tanking get in there!" Back in the throne room Laharl was getting suspicious. "Alright ya damn love freak why exactly can't I sit on my throne?" "Well it's getting old so I hired some people to fix it up." "Hmm is that so? Well then where are they?" On cue Cathy and Shawn ran into the throne room with a portable gas welding unit. "Hello we're here to reincforve an old throne for an Overlord Laharl." Laharl took a look at them. "Seems legit. Alright how are you going tot upgrade my throne?" "Well we're going to reinforce your throne with steel and give it a badass paint job." "Sweet! But that sounds expensive." "Not really, all it will cost is 500HL and an AKUROKU doujin." "... I'm not even going to ask about that second thing." "Good no we need you to put out alll of the fire in here to reduce the risk of a gas explosion." Laharl nodded and clapped twice, putting out all the flames in the throne room. "Oh and to ease any dis-convenience, here's a coupon for 50 free poptarts." Before any had the time to say eucalyptus Laharl screamed "POPTARTS!" Then her grabbed the coupon and ran out of the castle at full speed. "Damn, I don't know about you guys but I'll never be able to take Laharl seriously again." They all agreed and began to drag the throne out of the room.

XXXXXXXX 2 hours later XXXXXXXX

After much effort they had finally manager to set a fake throne in place an set up the dynamite rigs. Lexicon walked into the room. " I thought you all should know that Laharl is on his way to the throne room." "Quick everyone hide!" Laharl soon walked in happilly munching on a poptart, upon entering the room he set off a motion sensor causing the rigs to explode, sending rocks, metal, and fire all of the place. "Holy Fuck!" Cathy and Shawn ran into the room. "We heard an explosion! What happened!" "What happened? My throne exploded that's what happened!" "That could have only happened if you left an open flame in the room." "What! You saw me put out the fire!" "Well, don't worry just calm down." "Why the hell should I!" Soran than left his hiding place. "Because that's a hidden camera, that's not your real throne, they're not real construction workers and you just got PUNKED!" Laharl's jaw dropped and everyone busted out laughing as the author and Patch wheeled out the real throne. The author walked up to him with a camera. "Anything to want to say to the readers?" He took the camera and pointed it at himself. "Hey I'm Overlord Laharl, and I've just been punked." Everyone took the next 5 minutes to share a good laugh. "Well I believe this wraps up the chapter, good night everyone." Everyone said goodnight and went off to their rooms for the night.

The camera was left on and Patch stepped in front of it. "Eucalyptus!" Lexicon entered the room. "Patch what are you doing at this late hour?" "No one did anything random today so I handled it." "Well you should go back to bed." With that Lexicon shut off the camera and he and Patch went back to their rooms.

End of Chapter

* * *

><p>Overlordrsh: Well that was fun, I'd like to thank <span>"CascadingYaoi<span>" for being my first review and madding me as a fav.

Flonne:hugs for you.

Soran: *heard singing in the distance*

Patch: What's Soran up to?

Lexicon: He must be practicing his music number.

Laharl: Do I have to sing something embarrassing?

Overlordrsh: Nawh, I'll give you a two chapter break.

Etna: Can I sing?

Overlordrsh: Ho, I don't like you, but Mid-boss can sing.

Mid-boss: I prefer to be called The Dark Adonis.

Overlordrsh: Don't push it. *evil glare*

Patch: Dood you only have on reviewer.

Overlordrsh: So I'm not going to bed for reviews, it they don't want to review they don't have to.

Lexicon: But what about flames?

Overlordrsh: I'll use them to melt cheese for my nachos, but I will pay attention to constrictive criticism, well time to sign off.

Everyone: Bye.


	3. The Musical

Disclaimer: All I own is my soul... actually I'm renting it.

Laharl: That joke sucked.

Overlordrsh: YOUR FACE! Anyway I know my chapters get updated pretty far off but I have a perfectly valid reason.

Lexicon: Which is...?

Overlordrsh: I'm lazy.

Lexicon: How is that valid?

Soran: Must be a writers thing?

Overlordrsh: Anyway, two of the songs make reference to a game so anyone who figures it out will be mentioned next chapter... if there is a next chapter.

Lexicon: No one is going to.

Patch: Your negativity sucks.

Overlordrsh: Well time for the next chapter. Oh and you just lost the game.

* * *

><p>Chapter 3: The Musical<p>

The author, Shawn, and Cathy were sneaking through the castle while everyone was asleep. "Rsh, what exactly are we up to?" The author turned around and chopped Shawn on the head. "Be quiet, I'll tell you one last time. Cathy has a special book that belongs to some emo with a black hood and we're going to use it on everyone." They snuck into each room and cast a spell on everyone. "Cathy is it done?" "Yup, when they all wake up they will uncontrollably break into song." "Perfect, now we sit back and watch." Then the author did the evil finger pyramid.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX The Next Morning XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Overlord was in the kitchen munching on his morning poptart. "Dood share the fucking fruit loops!" "I shall not, a body as beautiful as mind requires nourishment." Laharl sighed. "Why do those dumbasses always fight over the fruit loops?" He looked back at them. "Why should I share with a stupid prinny?" "What! Well your a pile of donkey shit!" As if on cue music began playing.

Patch: _Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker.  
>You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle fucker.<br>You're an uncle fucker, yes it's true.  
>NOBODY fucks uncles quite like you.<em>

Mid boss:_ Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker.  
>You're the one who fucked your uncle, uncle fucker.<br>You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, just fuck your uncle all day long._

Laharl face palmed as they farted a musical score.

Both: _Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker. (Uncle fucker.) _  
><em> You're a boner-biting bastard uncle fucker.<br>_

Midboss:_ You're an uncle fucker, I must say.  
><em>

Patch:_ Well, you fucked your uncle yesterday!  
><em>

Both:_ Uncle fucker, that's U-N-C-L-E fuck you! Suck my balls.  
><em>

Once the song had finished, they went back to their argument as if they hadn't stopped. "Note to self: Lay off the poptarts." He left the kitchen and headed to the room with the plasma screen when he saw Soran carrying some digging equipment and bow. "Hmm. Knowing this idiot, he might destroy my castle, I better keep an eye on him." He followed his outside when music to Dynamite (Taio Cruz) began to play. "WTF?"

Soran: _I came to dig dig dig dig_  
><em>I'll build a city oh so big big big big<em>  
><em>Just wait a sec, gotta kill this pig pig pig pig<em>  
><em>Cook me some bacon take a swig swig swig swig<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah<em>

_There must be something I can craft_  
><em>To ease the burden of this task<em>  
><em>Yeah<em>

_I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes_  
><em>Saying ay-oh, creeper's KO'd<em>

_Loot his remains and now his sulphur's mine_  
><em>Saying ay-oh, not today no<em>

_And then I'll go to work_  
><em>Under the birch tree<em>  
><em>And I'll make myself<em>  
><em>Tons of TNT<em>  
><em>and ill use these blocks<em>  
><em>I'll build a big city<em>  
><em>And I'll mine it all<em>  
><em>Using TNT<em>

_I came to blow blow blow blow_  
><em>Up everything you've ever known known known known<em>  
><em>Expel you out of house and home home home home<em>  
><em>Biome to biome you shall roam roam roam roam<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah<em>

_Cause I'm a creeper I will rob_  
><em>All of your items that's my job<em>  
><em>Yeah<em>

_I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes_  
><em>Saying ay-oh, creeper's KO'd<em>

_Teabag his ghost and now his sulphur's mine_  
><em>Sayin' ay-oh, MLG pro<em>

_And then I'll head back home_  
><em>Where I'll smile with glee<em>  
><em>That now I can make<em>  
><em>tons of TNT<em>  
><em>'cause I rule my world<em>  
><em>Made in 3 by 3<em>  
><em>I'm-a blow stuff up<em>  
><em>With my TNT<em>

_Im gonna blow it all up_  
><em>Every mountain every valley<em>  
><em>Ruler of the world, yup<em>  
><em>All of the animals will fear me<em>  
><em>Cause TNT is awesome<em>  
><em>And TNT, is just really cool, is just really cool<em>  
><em>I'm gonna shoot my arrows in the air<em>  
><em>Arrows in the the air<em>  
><em>Shoot your arrows in the air-air-air-air-air-air...<em>

_I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes_  
><em>Saying ay-oh, creeper's KO'd<em>

_Kickback this ghost and now his sulphur's mine_  
><em>Saying' ay-oh, MLG pro<em>

_And then I'll head back home_  
><em>Where I'll smile with glee<em>  
><em>That now I can make<em>  
><em>tons of TNT<em>  
><em>'cause I rule my world<em>  
><em>Made it 3 by 3<em>  
><em>I'm-a blow stuff up<em>  
><em>With my TNT<em>

Laharl was confused as Soran grabbed his shovel and began walking back to the castle as if nothing. "OK now that was weird." The author appeared next to him. "Yea but in his defense, he did make a really nice city and it's conveniently right next door." "That's true... Hey, wait, why the hell are my vassles-" "And Midboss" "And Midboss, acting weird!" "Oh? The singing? Sure I know whats going on." "Really?" "But I'm not telling you. " "Fuck you!" "Sorry, I don't swing that way. (Except on Tuesday)." Clearly fed up Laharl huffed and stomped back to the castle. "Stupid author, I'd like to kick his ass he didn't have that damn notebook of his." In his anger he didn't notice Flonne on her way to the new city and ran right into her. "Damn in get the fuck out of my way you damn lovefreak!" "Your mean but you wont hurt my feelings today." "And why is that?" Etna happened to be nearby watching them. "Bad idea Prince." Music began to play. Laharl looked around for the source when he realized something. "FUCK!"

Flonne:_ I am really special cuz there's only one of me  
>look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me<br>when I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song_  
><em>it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long<em>

_oh oh oh I'm so happy, I can barely breathe_  
><em>puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth<em>  
><em>watch out all you mothers, I'm happy, it's hardcore<em>  
><em>happy as a coupon for a $20 whore (Larxene.)<em>  
><em>ha-ha-ha hah<em>

_I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me,_  
><em>happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy<em>

_"I can't do this, man. I'm not happy."_

_I am really special, cuz there's only one of me_  
><em>Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me<em>  
><em>These are my lovehandles, and this is my spout,<em>  
><em>but if you tip me over, then mama said knock you out<em>

_I am special, I am happy, I am gonna heave_  
><em>welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave<em>  
><em>I am happy, I am good, I am...<em>

_I'm Outta Here! Screw You!_

Flonne then slapped Laharl and stormed off but immediately cheered up when she saw the author and his friends pass by. "Hey Laharl how is your day going." "You know how my day is going and I swear to Haruhi if I hear one more song I'll... I'll..." "You'll what?" "I'll do something so terrible that you'll regret messing with me." "Orly?" "Yarly." "Then let's test that statement,Lexicon." Lexicon appeared wearing clothes that made him look like Usher... with Kanye glasses. "Oh come on!" The music to 'DJ Got Us Falling In Love' began to play.

Lexicon: _So we back in the mine, got our pick axe swinging from side to side,_  
><em>This task a grueling one, hope to find some diamonds tonight,<em>  
><em>Heads up, you hear a sound, turn around and look up, total shock fills your body,<em>  
><em>Oh no it's you again,<em>  
><em>I could never forget those eyes<em>

_'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again,_  
><em>'Cause baby tonight, you grab your pick, shovel and bolt again,<em>  
><em>And run, run until it's done, done, until the sun comes up in the morn'<em>  
><em>'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again,<em>

_Just when you think you're safe, overhear some hissing from right behind,_  
><em>That's a nice life you have, shame it's gotta end at this time,<em>  
><em>Blows up, then your health bar drops, you could use a 1-up, get inside don't be tardy,<em>  
><em>So now you're stuck in there, half a heart is left but don't die<em>

_'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all your stuff again,_  
><em>'Cause baby tonight, you grab your pick, shovel and bolt again,<em>  
><em>And run, run until it's done, done, until the sun comes up in the morn'<em>  
><em>'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all your stuff again,<em>

_Creepers, you're mine_

Overlordrsh:_ Dig up diamonds, and craft those diamonds and make some armor,_  
><em>Get it baby, go and forge that like you so, MLG pro,<em>  
><em>The sword's made of diamonds, so come at me bro<em>

_Training in your room under the torch light,_  
><em>Hone that form to get you ready for the big fight,<em>  
><em>Every single day and the whole night,<em>  
><em>Creeper's out prowlin' - alright<em>

_Look at me, look at you,_  
><em>Take my revenge that's what I'm gonna do,<em>  
><em>I'm a warrior baby, what else is new,<em>  
><em>And my blade's gonna tear through you<em>

_Bring it_

Lexicon:_ 'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again,_  
><em>Yeah baby tonight, grab your sword, armor and go, take your revenge,<em>  
><em>So fight, fight like it's the last, last night of your life, life, show them your bite,<em>  
><em>'Cause baby tonight, the creeper's trying to steal all our stuff again,<em>  
><em>'Cause baby tonight, you grab your pick, shovel and bolt again,<em>  
><em>And run, run until it's done, done, until the sun comes up in the morn'<em>  
><em>'Cause baby tonight, the creepers tried to steal all our stuff again<em>

Laharl looked steamed. "Damnit I warned you!" Laharl began to glow red. "Um, maybe we shouldn't have done that." Laharl continued to glow brighter and brighter until he exploded. [WARNING] The rest of this chapter was destroyed by Laharl's destructive rampage. Please do not put your face closer to the computer screen. The following is a direct feed from the author. [WARNING]

End of Chap-

* * *

><p>Overlordrsh: Damn it he destroyed my 'End of Chapter' sign!<p>

Patch: At least we made it out alive dood.

Flonne: But Etna and Midboss are still out there.

Overlordrsh: Oh no that's terrible *snickers*

Soran: If only we could save them *turns away with an evil smile*

Lexicon: How tragic *smirks*

Flonne: Can you at least save Etna? *Etna lands next to her* Nevermind shes okay now.

Overlordrsh: FUCK!

Patch: Uh rampage victims aside, what's going to happen next chapter?

Overlordrsh: A visit to evil academy and a few new characters.

Lexicon: So we're destroying someone else's netherworld for once.

Soran: You said academy does that mean we're going to school?

Overlordrsh: No, well, sort of.

Flonne: *passes out at sight of a bloody Midboss*

Soran: *sweatdrops* Maybe we should just sign off.

Patch: See you next chapter dood!


	4. The Destruction of Evil Academy

Disclaimer: I don't own Disgaea, just copies of one, two, three, and a plushie.

Patch: Dood, you own a plushie?

Overlordrsh: Yeah, and I own your sorry ass too so shut it!

Soran:Damn! Don't piss off the author.

Lexicon: That's probably the best advice ever.

Overlordrsh: Okay, back to business, since no one bothered to figure out the song references, no one gets mentioned.

Lexicon: I told you no one would.

Patch: Again, your negativity sucks dood.

Overlordrsh: Who votes we cut this short and get started.

Everyone: ME!

Overlordrsh: And now for chapter 4.

* * *

><p>Chapter 4: Evil Academy<p>

It was the morning after the singing incident. "And by incident I mean a certain midget's rampage." "I said I was sorry." Well anyway, Patch and Lexicon were eating breakfast in what remained of the castle's kitchen. "GLOMP!" Before either could react, they were both caught in a flying tackle by their crazy friend Soran. "You're crushing me dood!" "And your happiness is an annoyance to me so get off." Soran quickly hopped up and joined them for breakfast. Laharl walked in for his poptart minutes later only to see the trio eye him and move to the other side of the room. "Oh come on, that was a chapter ago." "Well actually it was about 100-200 something words." Laharl death glared at the author. "Take a picture it lasts longer." "I fucking hate you." "Aw, I love you too." Laharl huffed and ate a poptart before turning to bitches- I mean idiots- I mean vassels. "Listen up dumbasses. I'm sending you idiots to evil academy for the rest of the chapter until the castle is repaired. Any questions?" "Yeah, so... Are we idiots or dumbasses? ^_^" "Soran." "Yeah?" "Shut the fuck up." "Okay... T-T" "Good, not get going." "Aye aye Sir." They did a mock salute and went on their way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX 3 Hours Later XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The trio flew through space in a space ship they had obtained through a plot hole. Patch was in the backseat singing the Nyan Cat song while Soran was pushing the button that fired the gun. "Will you two stop being dumbasses for five seconds?" They sighed. "Fine."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX 5 Seconds Later XXXXXXXXXXXXX

They were surprisingly still. Lexicon drove past a start. "Wait, weren't we supposed to turn there dood?" "I don't know, Soran what does the map say?" "Yea about the map..." "What did you do to the map." Soran held up an origami crown. "I made you a crown cause you're king of the road." Lexicon face palmed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX 3 Hours Later XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lexicon glared at Soran as he dug Patch out of the wrecked remains of their ship. "You fucktard, what the hell were you thinking!" "Well, I saw the warning lights and decided to throw the mother fucker into overdrive!" As they argued, thy didn't notice the huge crowd of students surrounding them. "Um... Hi?" "Let's beat the crap out of them and steal all of their HL." "Crap, Patch grab the boom box!" Patch pulled out a huge boom box out of his pouch and popped in a disk. A certain song came on and all of the students started to doing the caramelldansen, seeing this he put the song on endless loops. "I want to dance." "Me too dood." "Not going to happen now come on." Lexicon dragged them inside. "Well here we are Evil Academy, so what do guys want to do?" Soran summoned a spear and pointed it at Lex. "How about a fight?" Suddenly Mao appeared. "A fight you say? I accept your challenge but if I win, you three become my test subjects." "But what if we win?" "I'll give you Almaz and Beryl." They huddled up and talked it over. "Break, Okay. We'll agree but under one condition." "What?" "I want that cool jacket." "Fine, I've got two others just like it." He tossed Soran the jacket and handed Lexicon a piece of paper. "Go to this location in one hour." With that he walked off. "Lex call us in an hour dood!" Lexicon looked to see that his friends ran outside to dance with everyone else.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX 1 hour of caramelldansen XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The stooges- "Hey!' Sorry, I mean the idiots who shouldn't scream at me again unless they want to die. "..." That's better, were standing on one side of Mao's room, facing their opponent who fell asleep in front of the TV watching Gintama. Soran walked over and kicked him. "Get up you lazy bum" "Leave me alone Beryl." "I'm not Beryl, did you forget about our fight?" "Yes, but now that you reminded me." He got up and launched a flying punch that was intercepted by the author's XL mallet. "Sorry Mao, but Patch is your first opponent. Ready... Fight!" "Ultra Prinny Bomb Dood!" Patch pulled an unnaturally huge bomb out of his pouch and threw it, full speed at Mao, who ducked and let it fly out of the window into the group of students outside. "Damn, I am going to have a lot of prinnies on my hand." "Tie, Lexicon your up." Lexicon stepped up. "This will be pointless." Mao looked at him. "What do you mean?" "Well, characters like me have plot armor." "Plot armor?" "Let me explain."He pulled out a chalkboard and began.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX 1 Boring Speech Later XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And that's how it works." "Okay, let me get this straight. You can't die because of your plot armor of being a main character and your plot weapon is time control?" "No, it's this chalkboard." With that he tipped the chalkboard on Mao. "OW! What the Hell!" The author pointed at Lex. "Winner, Lexicon." Soran then stepped forward and summoned two scythes. "Looks like it's my turn." "Finally, a real fight." Mao grabbed his sword and they rushed toward each other.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX 1 Hour Later XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Everyone was back at the castle laughing their asses off. "So, let me get this straight, he tripped and impaled himself on his own sword?" "Yup, didn't have have to use my scythe." "Well now that Almaz and Beryl have rooms, let's call it a day." As usually everyone left for bed.

End of Chapter

* * *

><p>Overlordrsh: I have nothing to say.<p>

Laharl: That's a first. *smashed*

Everyone: Bye!


	5. of secret best left unknown

Laharls vessels

Disclaimer: all I own is this poptart. *noms poptart.* now I own nothing.

Everyone: *brandishing weapons and glaring at the author*

Overlordrsh:*hides behind desk* AHH! Don't kill me I'm sorry!

Lexicon: *shoots desk* shut up! *shoots again*

Soran: *slices desk in half* Where the fuck where you!

Patch: It's been almost a year dood!

Overlordrsh: I have a good reason!

Soran: What?

Overlordrsh: I lost my laptop charger.

Ocs: That excuse sucks! *beats the crap out of rsh*

Laharl: Well while they murder him you can read chapter 5.

Chapter 5 of secrets best left unknown

_Beep beep beep._ The alarm clock in etnas room sounded cutting the silence of the room while at the same time royally pissing her off. She bolted up. "What the fuck!? Who set my alarm?!" Suddenly the author and Mao burst out of her closet like creepers. "We did." "why!?" Mao shrugged his shoulders. "Ask him." The author put on his usual happy face. "But first, how is my favorite bitch redhead today?" She then threw a spear which landed in the wall by his head. "aaalllrighty then. Hows about I just get on with it?" She glared at him and grabed another spear. "I need your help on a very important mission." "I thought you hated me." "True but right now I hate everyone else a lot more then I hate you." "fine let me change." The author nodded and turned to look away. Etna glared at Mao. "do you mind?" "not at all."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx other side of the castle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

The lid to laharls coffin slid off to the floor as the midgit sat up and stretched. "Man almost a year and no sign of the author." Suddenly a loud slap followed by a scream of pain echoed through the castle. "…..why do I have a bad feeling about today?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx back with the others xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

"You guys can turn around now." They did and noticed Etna was wearing normal clothes. The author paused for a moment. "I won't even ask. Can we go now?" As said that music from an RPG game played played and the words [Etna has joined your party.] appeared. Mao looked at the author. "What the hell was that?" "I activated the 'party play' option." "we have a party play option?" "Yup it's right under the 'hurt Laharl' button." The three of them exchanged an evil smile and hit said button.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx laharls bathroom xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxx

Laharl was brushing his teeth when a panel opened in the wall to his right. "When the that get there?" A dodgeball then fired out and hit him right in the crotch.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx back with the party xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx

"and 3…2…1." They heard a yell of pain from a distance. "now that that's done lets get on with that mission I mentioned." He reached into his bag and handed Mao and Etna each a digital camera. "for no reason at all I'm pissed off at everyone so today we're going to reveal everyones most embarassing and unbecoming secrets." Etna gave him a look. "That seems fun but increadibly harsh." "I agree rsh this cruel.' The author grabed a rubber duckie from his bag. "BITCHUA!\./" He threw the duck so it would hit Etna in the head and bounce into Maos. "I said we're doing this and that's final!" Mao crossed his arms. "And what if I don't agree?" To answer the author pushed Mao out of the nearest window. As he fell they could hear him yell. "I'll have my revenge!" The authr turned to Etna. "You wanna join him?" She shook her head and waved her hands in defence. "Nope, nu uh, I'm completely 100% on board." "Good lets get moving. First target is Flonne." She nodded and they made their way to their destination.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxx just outside the castle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

Mao rubbed his sore head as he climbed out of the Mao shaped crater in the ground. "Damn that hurt!" Do do doo deerrrpp. [Mao has been removed from party.] "Oh fuck you."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx back with the party xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

The author and Etna stood outside the fallen angles room. "Etna wait here I'll be right back." He slipped into the room and came back out a few moments later with a look of surprise and shock on his face. "Did you get the picture?" He silently nodded with the look still on his face. "What exactly did you see in there?" "First I have a question for you." "Ok shoot." The author then grabbed a pistol and took a shot at etna which didn't hit because jackie chan appeared and deflected the bullet with his fist. "I didn't meean to shoot literally!" "oops sorry." [No friendly fire allowed! Rsh takes 10 damage.] "D'OH!" "Just ask your question." "did you know Flonne has your outfit and is bossing an angle trainie around in there?" Etna looked at the door in disbelief. "This I've got to see."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxx the castles front gate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

The fornt door of the castle stood only 10 yards away. Mao would have been through this door already if one thing didn't stand between him and his goal. THE DREADED MINE TURTLES! "This cant be too hard." He took afew extreamly carefull steps, _click._ "son of a bi-" A series of explosions went off. [Mao takes 10 damage] [Mao takes 10 damage] [Mao takes 10 damage] [Mao takes 10 damage] [Mao takes 10 damage] [Mao takes 10 damage] [hp below 30%] Mao stood charred at the front door. "I fucking hate turtles!" He walked in and agrilly slamed the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx back with the party xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

The author and Etna both stood outside an emo looking door. "so lexicon is target number two huh?" the author nodded. "We go in on three. One…two…THREE!" they Rshed (lol) in and surprisinglly found the room full of smoke. Etna picked a up a small bag of the floor. "Is this weed?" The author smiled. "NOway. Is lex getting high?" They looked walked deeper into the room and sure enough found Lexicon wearing a tie-die shirt' hanging out with a warrior and red mage. "whoa I must be like seriously be stoned man, I could almost swear I can see the author man and etna is thee to but shes like wearing normal clothes." The author tried not to laugh while etna snapped the picture. "Lexicon? You OK buddy?" "yeah man but I got a serious case of the munchies." The author droped him a bag of cheetos and he and etna left the room. "Well that was a surprise." The author nodded in agreement. "So who's our next target?" "Almaz." Suddenly a blur whizzed pasted, stoped about ten yards away and walked back. "Oh hey mao, welcome back." The music played. [Mao has joined your party.] "Can you turn that damn thing off!?" "NEVA!" The author began down the hall. "Onward." He walked with Etna in tow, Mao shugged and followed along. The author began running. "there. Almaz is over by that window." Almax didn't seem to notice as the party approached because he was distracted looking out of a telescope. They stood there for a moment in silence before Mao lifted his camera and snapped a picture, the sound of the shudder caused Almaz the jump and turn around really fast. "oh hey guys. What are you up to?" The author looked at the telescope then at almaz and then back to the telescope. " The better question is what you're up to." Almaz looked suddenly nervous. " oh… uh you know, just star gazing." "almaz, its day time." "um….well." "and your telescope isn't aimed at the sky." Almaz stood silent for a moment and pushed the telescope out the window and took off running. "I regret nothing!" They look out the window in the general direction the telescope was pointed in. "Can anyone see what he was looking at?" "nope nothing." Mao try using the zoom on his camera. "It looks like there might be something in the distance but it's too far to tell what it is." The author then pushed Mao out the window. "Go get the telescope!" DO do do deerrpp [Mao has been removed from the party.] Etna rolled her eye. "Idiot." She in front of a passing prinny. "You. Whats have you got in your pouch?" The prinny opened his bag and began to rumage through his things. "I've got a sandwich, some dagger, a telescope, my wallet, a 'vote for pedro' shirt, and a magazine." "Good hand over the telescope." "No way dood its mine." "Hand it over or I'll punt you down the hall!" "alright alright, geez." The prinny gave up his telescope and started walking off mumbling under his breath. The author stoped him. "Exactly what kind of magazine do you have?" "What do you think dood?" The author gave him a thumbs up and got to work on the telescope.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx outside the castlexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mao climbed out the mao-shaped crater in the ground. "I swear on all things evil I'm gonna punch him right in the gut when I get back up there." He made his way back to the castles front door and stopped in front the small mine turtle as it waited for him to stupidly step on it. "herro." "SHUT UP!" he kick the turtle so hard on the face it was sent flying for miles.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx at vyers (mid-boss) castle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx

Mid-boss step into his courtyard and stretched. "Ah what a wonderfull day to annoy my son (lol spoilers) while he is tormented by a poptart addicted fanfiction author." "Herro." a turtle landed in vyers hand. "oooo a button." Like a numbskull vyers pressed the button on the turtles back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx back with the party xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx

They heard an explosion in the distance and looked out the window in the direction of a rising smoke cloud. "Isn't mid-bosses castle over there?" "Yup." The author shrugged. "eh, not important. Is the telescope ready?" "You should know you're the one who set it up." "Lol, oh yeah I forgot." The sound of footsteps behind him made him look over his shoulder. The music played. [Mao has joined your party…..again.] "welcome back buddy." "SHUT UP!" He punched the author in the gut making him keel over. "That's for pushing out of those fucking windows!" "sorry." "Anyway I've got the telescope." "Oh we don't need it anymore." "Oh fuck you!" Etna groaned and smacked them both. "Enough!, mao go check the telescope and rsh go self-destuct." The author pumped a fist in the air. "Finally!" He then ran down the hall and exploded.(lol Gir moment) Mao looked through the telescope and burst out laughing. "whats so funny?" "Almaz is a chubby chaser." Etna looked through the telescope to see a bunch a fat chicks at a hotspring. She held the camera up to the telescope and snaped the picture. "On to the next target." "Mao how in the hell would you know who the next target is?" "authors side-kick remember?" As he was walking he wasn't paying attention and walked first into sorans door. "Note to self. Look where I'm walking." They opened the door and found patch hanging from the ceiling like a pinata while soran was beating him with a stick making things fall out his pouch. "Give it back!" "Never dood!" Etna snatched sorans stick and mao cut patch down fromthe ceiling. then the author pulled one of his random burst out the closet moments. "Stop doing that!" Etna smacked him upside the head with the stick. "You're going to a heartattack doing that." "Alright alright, sorry." He turn to his bitches, i mean Ocs. "What the issue with you two?" soran pointed a summond sword at patch. "He stole my luka-chan plushie!" Patch then aimed his rocket launcher at soran. "He stole my kongregate account!" The author snatched patchs' rocket laucher and threw it at mao who almost fell out the window again when etna grabed him. "give soran his plush back and make a new accout. This time don't tell him your fuucking password." "you got it dood." He handed over the plushie and ran to his computer. "Soran stop stealing acounts." He slaped sorans sword to the floor. "And no slicing people!" "Then what am I supposed to do with my sword?" "You can shove it up your ass and pretend your a corndog." Soran glared and snatched his plushie from the authors hand. "oh and one more thing soran." "what?" "Say cheese." He snaped a quick picture and ran like hell. "Hey wait for us!" Mao and Etna followed soon after the author who was already half-way down the hall. "Me too dood!" Patch ditched his pc nd ran after the party. cue music [Patch has joined your party.] "sorry patch but theres no room in the rest of this chapter for you." "Awww." He walked back disapointed. Do do do deeerrrppp. [Patch has left your party.] "is there a room near laharls?" "yeah, the lounge with the big plazma screen." "Is there a closet in that room?" "duh, Its where we keep the bean bags." "good follow me." He walked into the nearest room which appearantly belonged to an archer wearing a uniqly colored dress. "What are you all doing in here?" "two reasons. One we need to use your closet, and two im going to be sending mao and his crew back to evil accademy before he begins to plot murder against me. So wanna be my sidekick? there are perks." as the blond paused to proccess all of that and make a decision the author went ahead and shoved mao into the clset and slammed the door. Do do do deeerrrppp. [mao has left your party.] [almaz and raspberyl have left the fic zone.] The author turned to the archer. "have you made a deccision yet?" "I dont know." The author held p a shiney new bow. "I'm in. My name is Erys by the way." The music played. [Erys has joined your party.] "here." He handed her maos camera and opened the closet. "lets go." the other two steped in. "ok now what?" "watch." He rubbed his hands together and claped. He opened the door and they where in the lounge instead of erys' room. they quickly moved to laharls room and like bosses kicked in his door. In front of the party stood a very shocked laharlwearing a maids outfit. They all stood silent for a moment then the author snapped a single picture and ran like hell for the door. Erys and Etna looked at eachother and then at laharl before following the authors example leaving a still shocked laharl frozen in place.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx the next day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Everyone crowded around patchs' computer in total horror because all of their secrets were posted on the internet for the entire world to see. As they stood there Etna The author and erys were sitting on the opposite side of the room playing xbox and laughing the asses off.

End of chapter

Overlordrsh: sorry this took so long. I promise to get started on the next few chapters right away.

Lexicon: *smacks rsh upside the head* shutup and start writing chapter 6!

Overlordrsh: *starts franticly writing* alright alright, geez

Soran: don't take so long this time

Patch: the author would like to thank everyone still reading this and those who haven't given up on this fic

Erys: and his reviewers and favoriters

Lexicon: the next chapter shouldn't take to long so don't worry about the wait

Soran: for now this is the oc crew signing off. later


	6. Playing with Xs and Ys

(try to forgive all the spelling and grammar errors)

**Laharls vassals**

disclaimer: I wish i owned disgaea...and a bottomless box of poptarts.

overlordrsh: *working on something in the other room*

Lexicon: what in the hell is he up to this time?

Patch: I don't know dood but i don't like it.

Lexicon: Why is that?

Patch: He was laughing like a mad scientist dood.

Overlordrsh: *shouts from room* _evil_ mad scientist.

Patch: right. evil mad scientist dood.

Lexicon: *shrugs* let's just go ahead with the chapter and hope nothing bad happens.

**Chapter 6** **messing with x's and y's**

The author and patch snuck in the darkness of the sleeping castle. The author was carrying what looked like a ray-gun with an x on one side and a y on the other. "alright patch time to cause some trouble." the prinny nodded. "right. um why am i here instead of erys dood?" the author sighed. "we've been through this. This gun has no effect on prinnys so it would be pointless of you to be a victim." Patch nodded again. "and what exactly are we doing dood?" The author turned on him and gave him an annoyed look. "Stop asking stupid questions. You know exactly what's going on." "Of course **I** know what's happening but the readers don't." This statement caused the author to pause for a moment and mutter something about fourth wall breaking. "Fine I'll go over it one last time for the readers sake." As he explained he snuck into everyones rooms blasting each one as he went along. " This device is known as an x-y gun. I built it after I came across the blueprints on the internet while surfing around random sites. It's purpose is to change the gender of anyone who is unlucky enough to be caught on the business end of it." He finished explanation just as they approached a certain midget overlords room. outside on both sides of the door sat two guards who fell asleep on the job. "oh I am so blasting them." Rsh aimed the gun at the nearest guard and was about to fire when patch put his hand (flipper?) on it. "I think don't that's necessary dood." The author rolled his eyes. "fine I'll only shoot one." Patch said nothing since it was obvious that rsh wasn't going any further until he got his way. "fine dood just make it quick." Rsh smiled. 'thats right. i always get my way.' He shot the female warrior to the right and walked over to the thief on the other side, "Now what are you doing dood?" "Watch." He reached into his hyper-space bag and pulled out a fat permanent marker. With a wicked grin he uncapped the marker and drew a hitler mustache on the thief's face. "You quite done dood?" The author gestured for the prinny to wait a moment. he turned back to the thief and wrote **gay** in big bold letters on his forehead. To top it off he placed the marker in the warriors pocket so it was sticking out and put earplugs in both of their ears. "Ok now we can go." He then kicked open laharl's double doors causing the prinny to freeze in fear. The author walked into the room dragging patch behind him before slamming the door really loud. He proceeded to the coffin in the middle of the room and slid the lid off onto the carpeted ground with a cushioned thud. "d-dood?! If laharl wakes up he'll kill us. Can't you be quiet?" Rsh gave a dismissive gesture. "Its fine this midget can sleep through anything." "Are you sure dood?" "Watch." the author reached into his bag that seemed to have everything in it and pulled out a airhorn. "Cover your ears." Patch did so and the author then blared the air horn into laharls ear untill it ran out. He flipped the can around in his hand and began to beat laharl over the head with it. "See? We can't wake this guy up." Rsh handed patch the x-y gun and stepped aside. "Blast him." Patch nodded and moved to the edge of the coffin and leveled the gun with his target. He stopped and lowered it. "Wait dood. Laharl doesn't wear a shirt." "So?" "Dood." Patch gave the gun a shake. "oh...oooohhh." Rsh dropped his bag and reached inside. "Here we go." The author pulled a pink shirt from the bag and grabbed laharl by his anttenas. He pulled the overlord from his coffin, put the shirt on him and then pushed him back in. "Ok now shoot him." patch nodded and blasted laharl and the two snuck off to watch how the day would play out.

-x-the next day-y-

the author and his prinny. "I have a name dood." shut up. As I was saying, they were hiding in a secret room of the castle. You know that one where etna kept a diary...or was it a journal? Well anyway they were there and were watching a collection of hidden cameras littered about the castle. "patch pass the remote." The prinny leaned over the arm of his chair and grabbed the remote off the snack table. "catch dood." he tossed it over and turned his attention to the big screen installed into the wall. "This is going to be awesome dood."

-x- lexicons room -y-

Lexicons alarm clock went off playing 'peanut butter jelly time' and he rolled over. "I don't want to get up." He reached over and slapped the snooze button resulting in a hand coming out and slapping him back. He shot and glared at the clock. "Stupid clock. I bet rsh built that." He considered trying again but the hand looked ready to slap again. 'I'll go with my better judgement and just get up. I'll have to remind myself later to destroy that clock.' He trudged over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

-x- Sorens room -y-

The sound of someone's scream caused him to roll over really fast and fall off the bed onto his face. "oowwww." He shotup and rubbed his head. "Stupidass, waking me up was a fatal mistake." He walked past the full body mirror on his way to the door, stopped, and walked back to the mirror "Hhhmmm. Shorter,higher voice, lightweight... i must be a chibi"

-x- Secret Room -y-

The author groaned and face palmed. "I know Soran isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer but seriously, that was stupid." Patch stuffed his mouth (beak?) full of chips. "Do shudun be do quid do dake da readers addedion from doran-" The author snapped at him. "Don't talk with you're mouth full!" Patch swallowed his chips an tryed again. "You shouldn't be so quick to take the readers attention away from soran dood. he'll get it right." The author sighed an mumbeled something about fourth wall breaking again. "fine but I want a prinny in there to slap him every time he gets it wrong."

-x- sorans room -y-

As soran examined himself in the mirror a prinny came up and slapped himacross the face. "Youre not a chibi dood." Soran looked in the mirror again. "Oh I'm shrinking." slap! "a fairy?" slap! "look at the mirror and try using that small brain of yours dood". He stared at the mirror "... ooohhhh I'm a chick." " Ding Ding Ding you finally get it right." He walked over to his closet and looked inside. " Should I wear my usual jeans and graphic tee or should I borrow some girls clothes?" then prinny screamed confused. " You seem very calm about all of this dood." Soran shrugged. " usually when something weird happens it's because the author is behind it." On that note he went off to find whoever scream woke him up.

-x- Secret room -y-

The author and patch stared at the screen in complete surprise. "did he just-" "yup." And he already figured out that we-" "uh huh." "... maybe he's smarter than we think he is." "let's hope not dood."

-x- Lexicon's room -y-

Lex was sitting on his bed rocking back and forth mumbling. 'It's ok, It's ok , It's ok, you're still dreaming, this is just a bad dream.' He caught a glimpse of himself from his bed side mirror. "Oh my god it's not ok, it's not ok, it's not ok!" The burst open and Soran marched in. The sight of his friend made Lex scream again. Soran then grabbed the front of his friends shirt. Bitch get ahold of yourself!"Lex was then backhanded across the face. "thanks i needed that." Soran then summoned an iron glove and slapped him again. "Ow! what the fuck!?" That's for waking me up." "Did i scream that loud?" "That was a stupid question." " There's no such thing as stupid questions, only stupid people asking questions." " I thought I was the stupid one." Lex paused for a moment, apparently with the terror he had now gone. "Wait I thought you were the smart one." They sat there for a few minutes in silence. "Anyway we should check on the others." Soran gestured for Lex to follow and walked over to the door. " Get dressed and let's go tiny-tits." Lex glared at Soran then at his own chest. "Fuck you." " Are you suggesting hot lesbian sex?" Lex face palmed. 'Yeah i'm definitely the smart one.'Lex grabbed his shit, threw it on, and two set off. "Ok Lex since we don't officially know which one of us is the smart one we should put our heads together." As he said this he grabbed Lexicons head and literally put them together. "And come up with a plan." "I say we should eat breakfast first." "Excellent plan! Let's go!"He then grabbed Lexicons shirt and dragged his ass down the hall at Soran speed to the kitchen.

-x- Kitchen -y-

Flonne, Etna, and Erys were closing in on a scared and very crazy and very confused mid-boss. "now now this is not how young gentlemen should behave. I'm sure we can all calm down and talk this over." "Shut up!" "Erys shoot an arrow into the ground about half an inch from his crotch." "We know you have something to do with this." Mid-boss shuffled backward until he was pressed into a corner. "I swear I have no idea what you are talking about." "Oh yeah? Then who else would be messing with us?" Mid-boss scratched his head as if thinking of an answer. He suddenly stood up. "Well last night I did see your author friend and that prinny sneaking about." The three lowered their weapons seeing that it is obvious who was to blame. "I haven't seen rsh all day so maybe he's hiding out." Flonne looked at an oddly misplaced closet. "Maybe he's in there." They eyed the closet and Etna backed away. "Etna you know he won't jump out of there." Etna continued to to distance herself from the closet. "Rsh may not jump out of there but something worse might ."On cue the door slowly creaked held their breath as a figure emerged from the closet. "Damn I hate that creaking.I'm going to have to WD40 The shit out of this door." They all let out a relieved was only one of the maintainence guys.

-x- Secret Room -y-

The author fell out of the chair laughing his ass off. "The look on their faces was priceless. They really thought I was gonna come out of the closet." He paused for a moment when he realized how that sounded. "Wow that would sound bad out of context." He allowed himself a moment to calm down and climbed back into his seat. "um dood." The authors mood instantly dropped. It was obvious his prinny was about to criticise. "What patch?What?" "Don't you think you should change the pronouns to match everyone current gende?It would be less annoying for the readers."Rsh muttered something, most likely about 4th wall breaking, and quickly wrote something in his universal notebook."There happy? Cause if you do that again i'm gonna pummel you." "Do what dood?" Patch looked genuinely confused but the author was positive that patch new exactly what he was doing. "Don't test me." Patch took notice of the cold glare the author was giving him and decided it was best to stay quiet.

-x- The Kitchen -y-

Lex and Soran burst into the kitchen taking the door clear off it's hinges. "out of the way!" The door flew across the room and crashed into the poor unexpecting maintenence guy. Everyone looked down at him then glared at the door breaking duo. "Why would you do that?" Lex pointed accusingly at Soran. "Not my fault. She blasted through the door, I was just along for the ride." "Wow thanks for sticking up for me." "We're trying to ask you something." "And we're trying to answer. And failing horribly. And we're sorry."Erys bonked soran with his bow. "Ok Ok I'll stop." "Good now have you seen rsh?" "not since last chapter." "Any ideas where he might be hiding?" Soran shrugged and lex stepped up. "He's probably somewhere he can monitor us at all times." "And that would be?" "um." Soran turn to step up. "Three places. The OC lounge, vyers castle, or etna's secret diary room." Soran smiled triumphantly while everyone gave her a look of `What the fuck?`, obviously surprised that she had a bout of wisdom. "Did Soran just say something smart and useful?" As this question was asked a single terrifying crossed their mind. Perhaps Soran was smarter then she lets on. Flonne quickly shook the thought and stood up on a chair. "Ok everyone the only way to find the author is to check each place one at a time." Lex raised her hand. "Why not split up and check each place at once?" "Because Rsh would expect that and pick us off one by one." Everyone seemed to agree with this and all started off toward the OC lounge.

-x- Secret Room -y-

"I totally booby trapped that room." "Really dood?" "Yeah I booby trapped all the rooms, including this one." Patch quickly looked around the room as if he would spot the well hidden traps. "You're not serious about this room are you dood?" " did you think I've never left this chair?" "So I guess I can't try running away if they find us." The author grinned giving him the indication that patch had been right. He picked up his remote and flipped to the _laharl cam._

-x- Laharls room -y-

The panel in laharl's bathroom opened up revealing the concealed dodgeball cannon. It began adjusting it's aim making a semi loud whirring 's red light turned to green and it fired possibly the most amazing shot in the history of cannon shot across the room, bounced off the toilet then the sink. From there it went into the room and bounced around manically before it hit the spinning ceiling fan above laharl and slammed in the coffin right next to her head. Laharl's eyes snapped open and she turned her head to look at the ball. "What the fuck?" The shot didn't hit the overlord in the face but it didn't miss either. Laharl looked at the ceiling when she heard a crack and saw the ceiling fan fall. "Son of a fu-"

-x- Secret room -y-

"ooh that's gotta hurt." Laharl wasn't moving on the screen. "I think you knocked her out dood" "whoops." He pulled out a cell phone. "Now what are you doing dood?" "I'm ordering a pizza." "Really dood?" "Yeah, go get my wallet." Patch hopped off his chair and onto the pressure activated trap door directly in front of it. The floor panel fell away and the prinny dropped out of sight. "You son of a BIITTTCCCHHH!" Rsh smiled evilly. "Dumbass." He punched in a number and waited. "Hello?" "Go check on you kid ." "What? Who is this?" "Don't question me. Go before I change your name from mid-boss to Quarter-boss." He hung up and tossed the phone into the hole where it fell and hit his prinny on the head. "OW! Get me outta here dood!" The author ignored him and turned his attention back to the screen.

-x- Laharls Room -y-

Mid-boss walked right into the room with no resistance from the two guards seeing as the former female warrior had his partner pinned down and was doing something so inappropriate to him that I couldn't put it in a non- M rated fic. Mid-boss moved the ceiling fan from the coffin(which was surprisingly light) and shook Laharl awake. Laharl gave mid-boss a glare that would make satan shit his pants(which it did, but thats another story.) "Someone get in here and get rid of this guy!" "Wait I help you and that's how you repay me?" "Oh i'm sorry, I don't give a fuck."Laharl snapped her fingers and a large black man walked in. "Who are you?" "I'm Samuel L Mutha fuckin Jackson!" Before Mid-boss could say another word Samuel L Mutha fuckin Jackson picked him up and began the window. "I'm sick of this god damn mid-bosses in this goddamn castles." Not bothering to open it he threw mid-boss right through the glass. "Nice work. Now I have a certain author to kill." "oh no you don't ." "What?" Samuel L Mutha fuckin Jackson stood in the way of the door. Laharl charged at him only to be lifted by the antennas and tossed back. "what? I should've blasted right through." the moment she said that a status screen appeared showing that someone had taken away all of laharls levels leaving the overlord at level one. It was a little consoling to see that Rsh was only at level ten while everyone else was in the triple digits. "I order you to move." "No. You are going to sit there while I yell at you!" Laharl gave an annoyed sigh and pulled up a chair. This was going to take awhile.

-x- **Back with the others** -y-

The group was trudging down the hall covered in various burns, cuts, bruises, and scrapes. The Oc lounge had been loaded with boobytraps as well as mid-bosses castle, even some of the halls had hidden traps. "How the hell did he find the time to rig all of those?" "Shut up Flonne." They continued on in silence till Flonne stepped on a pressure panel. "um...what's that rumbling noise?" They turned around to see a giant boulder rolling down the hall indiana jones style. "who votes that we run like hell?" Everyones hand went up and they took off. When they got further down the hall they came to an intersection point and went down the hall on the right letting the boulder pass. Lex laughed. "Ha stupid Rsh didn't get us that time." Erys did a head count. "One, two, three- holy shit where is Etna?" They poked their heads back around the corne. "Scratch that he got one of us.

-x- Laharls room -y-

"You little -Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep- I'll kick your -Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep- And i'll rip off your -Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep- Then shove them up your -Bleep Bleep Bleep- So you'll have to -Bleep- sideways." Laharl yawned and got up from her chair. "Can i go now?" "Yeah go ahead." Laharl pushed past Samuel L mutha fuckin Jackson and went out into the hall ignoring the two guards. She went down to the throne room and hit the button behind the throne. Than she went over to the rosenqueen shop an clicked the one on the skull sitting on the counter. Now the door to that hidden room should open. "Laharl!" She turned around and saw the others looking like they got draged through a hoard of rabit beiber fans. "What the fuck happened to you guys?" "Long story. have you seen Rsh?" "No but I know where to look." "You do?" "I figured to look in the last place anybody would think to." They nodded an filled laharl in on what had happened so far.

-x- some 20 feet away inside the secret room -y-

The author had the T.v. off and was completely focused on the door until the sound of an explosion caught his attention. "Look our above dood!" Patch came flying out of the pit trap and landed on his chair. "how did you do that?" "Oh you see I sat on a trash can lid and then put a bomb under-" "Yeah yeah yeah enough of that. Their going to come in here any second." Of course just as he said this the door flew open and everyone came in looking pissed off. "Oh shit. patch what do we do?" "you're on your own dood." With that the prinny jumped back into the safety of the pit trap. "Thanks a lot you traitor!" He looked up and saw laharl alone. He smiled and sat still. "What are you smiling at?" The author pointed at the others on the ground. Laharl realized what was going on and turned around. There was etna (who was a girl again) standing there with a tranq gun. Before the overlord could even ask how a dart hit her in the neck. The author stood up and pulled out the x-y gun. "you're late etna." "yeah yeah I know." He blasted the sleeping people and tossed the gun into an incinerator. "You put a memory wipe in the darts right?" Etna rolled her eyes as to say duh. Than the two dragged everyone to their rooms.

a few hours later Etna, patch, an rsh were sitting around. "so the boulder was inflatable dood?" "yup." "then how did it make the rumble noise dood?" "Hidden speakers." "uh huh. so you two are friends now?" "sort of." The rest of the day was spent kicking back and relaxing.

End of chapter

overlordrsh: done!

Etna: what was with that shitty ending?

overlordrsh: writers block.

Patch: thats always you're excuse.

overlordrsh: *eye roll* anyway... what have we learned today?

Patch: don't fuck with peoples genders?

Etna: don't play with hidden traps?

overlordrsh: Nope! we learned that you can solve any problem with a tranq gun.

Patch: boom!

overlordrsh: shut up.

Etna: *turns camera away from them* see you next time.


	7. The Laharl Show

Laharl's vassals

Disclaimer: As if I own anything.

Note: I am very busy with work and school and while I may not have typed and posted any chapters lately I'm still writing them so yeah. This is going to be different from the other chaps and hopefully you enjoy this. So uh...see you next chapter.

Chapter 7: The Laharl show.

Laharl's theme plays as lights come on a large stage.

Announcer: Welcome and welcome to...

Audience: The Laharl Show!

Announcer: and now for your host! Overlord Laharl!

Laharl comes on stage waves to the audience as he goes to a desk that sits center stage.

Laharl: Welcome welcome we got a great show for you tonight.

Audience: *cheers and clapping*

Laharl: we'll start tonight off with some of the latest news that's been going on. Like for example did you know about this plan to send bieber to the moon? Seriously, they think that's a good idea. We actually got an interview with and astronaut. Somebody roll the clip.

A reporter runs up to and astronaut and puts a microphone in his face. "Sir what do think about bieber going into space?" The astronaut took a moment to register what the reporter said then punched him right in the face.

Audience: *laughs*

Laharl: yeah we had to pay that guy a lot of money. Alright alright settle down. Here's an interesting one, espn just record the one millionth nut-shot in dodge ball and the guy was not wearing a cup.

Audience: *laughing*

*short fanfare followed by a retard voice* Hey Laharl~

Laharl: that sound means it's time for...

Audience: prinny-mail!

Announcer: that's right folks. Time to take advice from a man who once danced under the name jerked chicken.

Flonne bounces in on her pogo stick and hands Laharl some letters.

Flonne: Delivery!

Laharl: *grabs letters* I'll take those. You can go now.

Flonne: roger! *hops off stage*

Laharl: *watches Flonne leave and is obviously staring at her ass* *looks to the audience* just making sure she gets off stage alright.

Audience: *laughing and whoos from laharlxflonne fans*

Laharl: *rips open the envelopes* Ok our first letter is from Mao at evil academy. "Dear Laharl, I would like to discover the secrets of a laid ies mind. Can you offer any advice?" you want advice? Give up.

Audience: *laughter*

Laharl: the next letter is from asagi who for some reason is in a box. "Dear Laharl, I really want to be the main character but it never seems to work out. Can I borrow your game and be the main character in it?" Not a chance in this or any other hell.

Audience: *boos from asagi fans*

Laharl: oh go ahead boo me! Boo me!

Audience: *boos turn to laughter*

Laharl: you people are vicious. Alright this next one is from Etna who is sitting on my throne. *turns to someone off camera* someone go kick the bitch out. *turns back to the letter* "dear Laharl, how do you really feel about Flonne?" I don't know how do I feel? *does the groping hand thing*

Audience: *cheers and laughs from the Laharl x Flonne fans*

Laharl: alright people calm down. This last one doesn't have a name or location on it. "Dear Laharl, I've been doing a lot of traveling lately and was wondering if you've been to mount moon." actually I have. We even have a picture from the trip. Can we show it?

A photo is shown of Laharl with his shorts down mooning mt. moon.

Fan girl 1: whooo!

Fan girl 2: Go Laharl!

Big random dude: mmmmm! Dat ass!

Laharl: Alright we'll have more for you right after a quick break.

Announcer: the Laharl show is brought to you by the internet, ruining innocence one childhood at a time.

Commercial: Prinnys are you tired of being beaten up, pummeled, an blown up every time you turn around? Well than I have the product for you. The prinny hero prinny scarf! This scarf will protect you from a maximum of three hits and makes you look like a badass too. For just three easy payments of 9999HL you can one of these amazing scarves for yourself! Order now!

Laharl: hey welcome back. We have a special treat for you now courtesy of a certain author. *holds up a remote* a clip from the next chapter! *clicks the remote*

(Now running clip)

Everyone filed into the room to find desks and a white board with the author and moa standing on either side of it. "Everyone take a seat so I can begin our lesson" Etna raised her hand. "What Etna?" "Why are you teaching us? You never play sports so what do you know about dodge ball?" The author shrugged and gestured to a glass trophy case. "Only about that much." Being and idiot soran nudged patch and pointed at two golden dodge balls in the case. "Hey look the put your balls in the glass." The two cracked up and were rewarded with two high speed dodge balls to the back of their heads.

(End of clip)

Laharl: Well that was fun. Alright time for our next segment...

Audience: The top ten list!

Laharl: That's right we recently raided a real talk show and forced the writers to make a top ten list for us. *holds up the list* which I have right here.

Audience: *cheering*

Laharl: Tonight's top ten list is "the top ten things a prinny is hiding in its pouch." alright so let's get started.

#10: a box of pop tarts

#9: spare daggers

#8: a playboy *does the groping thing*

Audience: *laughter*

Laharl: #7: a cell phone (that explains the high phone bills)

#6: a psp

#5: Justin biebers monkey

I bet you thought the Germans still had it.

Audience: *laughs an cheers*

Laharl: #4: a prinny hero scarf

#3: a fan fiction author

#2 Etna's favorite pudding

And the #1 thing a prinny is hiding in his pouch is...and embarrassing picture of overlord Laharl in a maid dress!

Audience: *applause an cheering*

Laharl: That's it there's going to be a pouch inspection tomorrow an someone is going out a window.

Audience: *laughter*

Laharl: alright the final segment is called fails, fails, and more fails. Our first fail is of a man eating a banana who gets a surprise from his friend. ( watch?v=NaEfU47QY_k)

Our next is of some scientists pulling a nice little prank on their co worker ( watch?v=ZJFMDlcxkDA)

And finally our last one is of a karate instructor demonstrating a new move. ( watch?v=ToLldbKNp9k)

Audience: *laughing like hell*

Announcer: *retard voice* Hey laaaahhhharrrlllll!

Laharl: and we are out of time! Good night everybody!

Announcer: this chapter was brought to you by pop tarts. Pop tarts, the crack of the pastry world.

Laharl: *leaves the stage as the curtains close and the cameras cut off*

End of chapter


End file.
